Saturday, September 28, 2019

Oor Wullie Abandons Productive Life to Focus on Quaich Prep

Oor Wullie practicing at Old Course
Allen "Oor Wullie" Wilson was at one time a respected global financier.  He built a reputation as a brilliant strategist and advisor in the debt and equity capital markets.  However, in early summer, Oor Wullie abruptly left his job, leased his home in Vancouver, BC, and moved his family to a remote fishing village on the east coast of Scotland.

"I don't understand it," said Adam Sinclair, head of Canadian corporate banking at ScotiaBank.  "Allen was a rising star in investment banking and his career was so promising."

Rosco and Oor Wullie at Elie
"Allen is having some sort of inexplicable personal crisis," said Peter Myers, head of investment banking at BMO Capital Markets.  "It is really very sad."

Quaich insiders report that Oor Wullie has completely dedicated himself to preparing for Quaich 2020.  He plays 36 holes of links golf each day, often with fellow members of Team Scotland, followed by 6 - 7 pints of Tennent's Lager at a local pub.

Oor Wullie and friend outside Ship Inn, Elie
"He comes in here often after a round of golf," said Amy Anstruther, Deputy General Manager at The Ship Inn in Elie.  "He sits by himself at the bar, making detailed notes about greens in regulation and strokes gained putting is his diary."


Oor Wullie and Big Man at Elie

His obsession with improving his golf game in advance of next year's Quaich matches has taken a toll on his home life.  "The children don't even know their father any more," said a tearful Nicky Wilson.  "Sadly, they think Daddy goes to work every day at an office building called Kingsbarns."






Thursday, September 19, 2019

At Last! Quaich Details Announced

With only 7 months until Quaich 2020 in Rosemary Beach, Florida, the Host Committee has been scrambling to organize an event worthy of the celebrated history of the Quaich.  The idea of pearlescent white sand beaches, turquoise waters and lush private golf courses in exclusive Rosemary Beach seemed almost too good to be true.  As the weeks went by without details, anxious fans began wondering if this could be turning into the Fyre Festival of Quaichs, where the marketing was bigger than the reality.  

"I dunnae wanna brag," said Ronald "Wee Ronnie" Denholm, who chaired the Quaich 2018 Host Committee. "But we were transparent and provided all event details a full year prior."
Shark's Tooth Golf Club

This afternoon, in a hastily arranged press conference, Team USA Captain, Brian "Goombay" Farley, found redemption and provided the detail for which the public had been waiting. 

Competition Schedule and Format
  • Thursday, April 30. 9 A.M.
  • Friday, May 1 
    • Morning round will be a chapman or modified scramble format and played at The Links Golf Club (but this ain't no Scottish links) https://www.sandestinlinks.com/  
    • Afternoon round (2-man best ball) is at one of the best courses on the Florida panhandle, Burnt Pine. http://burntpinegolfclub.com/  
  • Saturday, May 2, 9 A.M.
    •  Singles at Shark's Tooth Golf Club
Lodging details
Cost
  • $2,000 per player includes
    • 5 nights lodging (allows for early arrival on Tuesday, April 28 with departures Sunday morning, May 3)
    • 4 rounds of golf
    • 4 dinners, 3 lunches, and simple "make it yourself, you lazy bastard" in-home breakfasts each day
    • 64 gallons of booze.  Each. 
    • Beach chairs, bicycles, and a case of Advil.
The excitement is starting to build!  Ladbrokes lists Team Scotland as a 4 ½ point favorite in early betting.