As we move ever closer to Quaich 2020, it seems that Team USA is about to be engulfed in a drugs scandal.
NSW Ronnie, Team Scotland's captain, was quoted as saying, "We all knew that Sheets was doped up to the eyeballs for the Quaich but this is on a whole new level. When the Team Captain is pushing opioids, you wonder if it’s still sport on a level playing field".
SNW Ronnie reassured fans that this issue has been raised to the highest levels of sport. “I have spoken to Dick Pound at WADA and consideration is being given to a worldwide ban on Team USA,” said NSW Ronnie.
“Coming so close to the Quaich itself is a shocker!,” exclaimed Ian “Big Man” MacCallum.
There has been some discussion about allowing certain members of Team USA to compete under a neutral flag if they can prove they are clean. But given this appears to be systemic, reaching to the highest levels of the team, and further the likelihood of any Team USA member being able to pee straight into a c
up, that approach has been vetoed.
The case may hinge on Team USA’s counter claim that their drug use can hardly be considered to have been performance enhancing. Given their showing in the last Quaich, they may have a point.
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