USA Captain Ruthlessly Trolled on Social Media as Quaich Rescheduling Remains a Mystery

With the future of the Quaich unclear due to the worldwide Covid-19 pandemic, golf fans have been looking to the social media accounts of USA Captain Brian “Goombay” Farley for hope. An announcement about the rescheduling of the next Quaich matches in Florida is expected from Goombay soon via his Instagram account. But instead of posting about future dates and team rosters, Goombay has been feeding fans with inspirational quotes, cat photos and bizarre selfies. 

In a recent post, Goombay posted a photo of himself dressed up in an old team uniform with a caption, “I'm too glam to give a damn!” 

Avid Quaich fans and other social media trolls around the globe immediately started commenting on the post in Instagram. 

"Does this mean you don't give a damn about rescheduling the Quaich?" asked blue_flamingo77.

"Give us the new match dates, you ridiculous knob head!" replied ianmaccal.

 "You look like the before picture!" posted phlegm5316.

"Bitch, please, your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!" commented machinita.

"I don't know what's worse...your IQ or your hairline," stated allen.w.wilson.

"Did you mean to gain so much weight or did it happen by snaccident?" asked moreland4954.

"The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it," posted bonilla_ray.

The Quaich matches originally scheduled for April 2020 have not been rescheduled. 

Oor Wullie Goes Under the Knife to Save Quaich Career

Allen “Oor Wullie” Wilson has undergone major surgery on his ankle in a bid to participate in the upcoming Quaich matches. A long standing issue with his lateral malleolus tendon

Oor Wullie's Ankle post-surgery

was preventing Wullie from completing his swing, and his form was in freefall over the last year. 

The surgery went well, according to Team Scotland physios. However, Wullie still has to use a buggy to get around the St Andrews links, drawing glares from the locals who eschew any sort of mechanical assistance while playing the ancient game.

Former Scottish fan favorite, Kevin “Riddler” Riddle has been keeping a keen eye on events and is rumoured to be bombarding Captain Ronald “Wee Ronnie” Denholm with text messages, offering to step in for the ailing Oor Wullie. “A fully fit Riddler or Wullie on one foot is a tight call,” Wee Ronnie was overheard saying while tucking into a large curried mutton pie at The Holborn Dining Room in London. “I think we will see how things progress.”

NSW Ronnie's Curried Mutton Pie