Innocence Lost

Tony "Hef" Denson took Stephen "Web" Webster on a tour of the photo gallery on his mobile phone during the bus ride from Rosemary Beach to the site of Friday's singles competition. "I like to think of myself as open-minded" said a dazed Web. "But I honestly had no idea. My eyes have been opened." 

"It's no big deal, really," said Hef. "I only shared the hits with him."

 

Schedule of Events

QUAICH 2022

Schedule of Events

Arrivals: Monday or Tuesday, April 25 or 26 -- houses available 4 pm April 25. Both houses will be stocked with beer, booze, beach towels, wine, breakfast items and snacks. Monday night grab dinner/drinks somewhere around town. 

Tuesday, April 26

Practice round at Camp Creek Golf Club. Tee times start at 10 a.m. 

https://watersoundclub.com/Golf/Camp_Creek_Golf_Club

We will play a competitive round at Camp Creek on Thursday, so take note!

OPENING DINNER TUESDAY NIGHT -- 7 P.M.

Wednesday, April 27

Competition Begins with a bang. 36 holes at Shark's Tooth Golf Club. 

https://watersoundclub.com/Golf/Shark_s_Tooth_Golf_Club_(1)

First round

• Tee times start at 8 a.m.. 
• Four-ball matches. 

Second round 

• Tee times start at 1 p.m. 
• Chapman or 2-man scramble

Thursday, April 28

Camp Creek Golf Club

https://watersoundclub.com/Golf/Camp_Creek_Golf_Club

• 10 a.m. tee time. Friday, April 29
• Four-ball matches

Friday, April 29

Regatta Bay Golf Club

https://regattabay.com

• Single matches
• Bus will leave at 9:00 a.m. 
• 11 a.m. tee time

CLOSING DINNER FRIDAY NIGHT 7:30 P.M. 

Saturday, April 30

Departures (must be out of houses by 9:30 a.m.)

Quaich Individual Player Statistics Updated (March 2022)

Team USA Drops 2022 Hype Video

 Remember the name. Turn up the volume!

Nae Web, Nae Quaich!

The beleaguered Quaich 2020, already rescheduled three times, faced another set-back this week when it was revealed that Stephen “Web” Webster would not be able to participate on the agreed upon dates in May 2022 due to mysterious “personal commitments”.  Exhausted USA Team Captain, Brian “Goombay” Farley, polled his team about its willingness to change dates once again, and the entire dramatic episode revealed much about Web’s standing in the Team USA locker room.

Upon being notified of Web’s date conflict, several members of Team USA, led by James “Sheets” Moreland, wasted no time in circulating the names of viable replacements. Former Quaich favorites such as Bret “Fabric” Baier, John “Gumby” Reardon, and Tony “T-Bone” Milo were all considered. Sheets advocated for potential newcomers from his hometown of Shreveport, Louisiana --- men with names like Sweet Pea, Bubba Trump, and Corndog.

It looked grim for Web until support came from the most unlikely of places. Scotland.
“Nae Web, Nae Quaich!” declared Ross “Rosco” MacCallum, creating a rallying cry for the movement to change the dates of next year’s event.

“Of course we were going to accommodate Web,” said Team Scotland Captain Ronald “NSW Ronnie” Denholm. “He has been a big reason for Scotland’s success in the last two Quaich matches.”

“Web is very popular with the Scottish team,” said Douglas “Slicer” Brown. “We all want to play with him in the singles matches.”

In the end, Captain Farley and the rest of Team USA acquiesced. The dates of Quaich 2020 2022 have been changed to April 25 – 30, 2022.

New Dates for Quaich 2022

Rosemary Beach, FL --- April 2022

• Monday, April 25
• Arrivals
• Tuesday, April 26
• Arrivals
• Optional Practice Round
• Opening Ceremonies
• Wednesday, April 27
• 2-man best ball
• Thursday, April 28
• Morning round will be a chapman or modified scramble format 
• Afternoon round (2-man best ball)
• Friday, April 29
• Singles
• Closing Ceremonies
• Saturday, April 30
• Departures

Mikey P. Embarrasses Team! Riddler Standing By

What should have been a moment of great celebration has turned into a nightmare for Michael “Wee Mikey P” Penyrebrune. A guest at Mikey P’s wedding gala last weekend anonymously sent a video to The Scotsmannewspaper and to Team Scotland officials in Edinburgh that shows an inebriated Wee Mikey P dancing a flamboyant ceilidh with his bride. The disturbing images clearly show that Wee Mikey P was out of control and a danger to himself, his bride and the other guests at the wedding.

Team Scotland personal conduct policy establishes clear standards of behavior for all players and states that players must refrain from conduct detrimental to the integrity of the team. Team Scotland is obligated to promptly report any potential violation of the policy that comes to their attention and must fully cooperate with any related law enforcement and Quaich investigations.

 

“I’ve seen the video,” said former Scotland player Kevin “Riddler” Riddle. “It is frightening. I think Mikey P’s behavior hurts the reputation of others involved in the matches and undercuts public respect and support for the Quaich.” It is well-known in Quaich circles that Riddler is eager to rejoin Team Scotland. Riddler, who last played for the team in 2014, smells blood in the water with this latest fiasco.

 

“Team Scotland will follow a fair and predictable process for investigating the incident and ultimately taking disciplinary action if a violation has occurred,” said Scottish Captain Ronald “Wee Ronnie” Denholm. 

 

As a next step, Mikey P will undergo a clinical psychiatric evaluation and counseling. Team Scotland is also providing resources to assist victims and families affected by the “ceilidh gone wrong” incident.

 

Team Scotland has not been rocked by a disgrace like this since the Tony “Hef” Denson sex tape scandal of 2008. Mikey P’s fate should be announced in the coming weeks.